In my travels I’ve seen many places and many different ways of life but nothing quite like my new city of residence. Cheyenne, Wyoming.
There’s a few things you ought to know before making the choice to move here.
1. Nothing much happens before noon, which we also call lunch/beer break.
2. If you need to get ahold of someone make sure to call, email will be lost in the cloud forever and ever.
3. There are requirements to living here; a beer mug (never empty) holsters for your gun and shot glass, and the number for the cowboy shuttle on speed dial.
4. Fireball. Enough said.
5. Knowledge of the “one legged stripper” at the Green Door (which is a bar/strip club)
6. Uber. It doesn’t exist here and if you mention it they’ll think you’re a hipster talking some foreign lingo.
7. We refer to Colorado people as “greenies” they are known for being the loudest when using our park/lakes.
8. A snow day = a snow drift as high as your front door.
9. “Regulars” at the bar are not your friend unless you’re paying their tab. They’re anything but “regular”
10. Uniqueness has a whole new meaning, it means you’re fucking weird.
11. You’ll be lucky to meet a man with all his teeth.
12. Wyoming is a “right to work” state which means you can and will be fired for just being you. Although drunkness seems to be a daily occurrence you may not show up to work intoxicated.
13. They do not have pizza pops nor do they know what they are (sorry Canada)
14. If you’re a biker, it better be a Harley. If you ride a bicycle, watch out we don’t all know how to drive.
15. Pedestrians. Watch out, they don’t know what a walking man sign means and you have no right of way. They will stop for a Pokemon though, even though they are few and far between.
16. If you’re 18, no kids, and not pregnant… You’re not from here. “I just went camping” is not an excuse for pregnancy.
17. If you’re reading this blog, you’re not from here… “Blog” is probably a name for a shot that you’ve never tried and never should.
18. At McDonald’s they will not understand “make it like a Mac.” Which is putting Mac sauce, lettuce and all the fixings of a Big Mac but without the other bun. Don’t try it here, it’ll have ketchup and Mac sauce..nasty.
19. Frontier days…. Needs its own blog post but it’s similar to the Calgary stampede only 100x smaller, although they will never admit to that. It’s “the biggest outdoor rodeo on earth” if you live here and you better stick to that.
20. Downtown. It has more parking garages than places to go. Open a restaurant down there and you’ll be lucky to last 6 months. Sorry Hooters. Open a skateboard park and you’ll be busy for life, but it’s illegal to ride a skateboard downtown.
21. Photographers, ensure to take a deposit because your clients will definitely change dates, fail to show up to their session, or not end up paying you at all. Trying to get paid for your services is like waiting outside a bestbuy for the newest Xbox console.
To be continued…