The thoughts racing through this head of mine are exhausting, yet I can’t sleep. The adrenaline rushing through my veins penetrates so deep, I forget what it feels like to feel. I forget what it’s like to be real. Feelings. I’d rather do without. I just can’t picture life without you.
Today I had the unfortunate experience of learning just how repulsive and dissapointing people really are. My perspective on people has been changed indefinitely and I have a better understanding of why people these days are so closed off, self centred, and selfish.
Paying it forward is a great example.
I decided to do something kind for a client of mine a few weeks ago. The reactions I got from people I interacted with today while I did my act of kindness was disturbing to say the least.
Long story short, the client lives in the next province over so it’s difficult for him to service his vehicle as there isn’t a dealer of this sort one near him. I happened to take the call a few weeks back when he was booking his service appointment and he had mentioned a vacation he was going on. We chatted about his trip while I booked his appointment and we happened to discuss the plan to execute how he could drop off his vehicle and get to the airport. He would be driving 4+ hours to get to my city so he would only be able to drop off his vehicle on a Sunday when the dealership is closed and he would have to take a cab across the city to get to the airport. Not only that, he would have to do the same thing to pick it up the following Sunday.
My mind raced as I threw out various ideas and potential possibilities such as having us valet his car to a friends house. The problem was he would still have to take a long cab ride and he doesn’t know anyone here. Suddenly a brilliant yet odd idea came to me. I offered to personally pick up his vehicle at the airport with his permission and I would leave my own car in its place. He was obviously shocked I would offer such a thing but I whole heartedly had no problem helping out. He accepted graciously and we concocted a plan together to execute the idea. Sunday I would pick up the keys he left at the front desk of the airport hotel, locate his vehicle in the parkade with his assistance of exact location and claim check number to retrieve the keys. I would then take his vehicle home, drive it to work in the morning, have it serviced, and when complete I would take it back to the airport, retrieve my vehicle and leave the keys at the hotel front desk again ensuring to send him a photo via text of the new claim check number.
I do realize this is not something typically offered by a car dealership, and it certainly goes far beyond my call of duty. That being said, I also acknowledge the fulfilling feeling I have when I do something nice for someone and I embrace the idea of paying it forward. I made that offer on my own I’ve never met this client nor do I know who he is, I just wanted to do something nice. I commute from a great distance every morning to go to work and although the airport isn’t next door, it’s only 20 mins for me to get there and it’s no skin off my back. He was very grateful for this so I didn’t mind one bit.
The reaction I got from people including my own family was very appalling. I was asked if the client was paying me, why I would do that, if work had made me, if the client had demanded this, and then some. I’m sure the blank and confused expression combined with my jaw unhinging as it hit the floor said it all. I was at a loss for words, you may not know me but that never happens. I have more words to speak than most families and my “two cents” is generally a dollar.
Is this really reality? I still can’t believe people couldn’t understand why I would do this. I actually had people call me crazy for it. Now I understand why people don’t bother to do anything nice and they’re selfish instead of selfless. The negativity I received for this was overwhelming but it will not change my actions in the future. I get great joy out of doing things for others and I will continue to pay it forward regardless of other people’s opinions.
I would never ask someone to pay it forward or perform a random act of kindness, that is a personal choice not an expectation. What I do ask is that if you don’t personally want to pay it forward please do not tear down those who do. Just because you have made the choice to be selfish doesn’t mean those who have chosen to be selfless should be shunned for it.
Be kind, please rewind so you can take a step back and analyze before judging someone for their kind heart.
They say that hindsight is 20/20 and they’re right, if you knew the decision you made would affect you in a negative manner you would surely rethink that choice.
The challenge I have with this is trying to get my head and my heart on the same wavelength.
I make the choice to be a good person, to wear my heart on my sleeve, to give selflessly, and to look past far more than my head tells me I should. I do this, knowing full well I am only setting myself up for disappointment. I try not to have expectations so I can’t feel that way but it seems to be an endless goal I can’t seem to force myself to commit to.
I respect people’s space, time, privacy and needs. I know everyone is going through their own struggle and I try to remain as positive and uplifting as I can to do my part in making those struggles just a little bit more bearable. Sometimes I feel my good hearted nature is almost to a point that it’s a fault. I give people the benefit of the doubt far more often than I should because I do believe that people can change, and almost every time they prove me wrong.
I don’t need someone to be a rock for me or to be a shoulder to cry on, I just want to be enough for someone. I want to be someone’s priority, not their option. I want to be thought of all the time, not just when it’s convenient. I want to be important enough to someone for them to make time for me, for them to genuinely want to know how my day is going, and for them to think before they make a choice that they know will hurt me.
Unfortunately I have given far too many people the benefit of the doubt, thinking that just once someone may truly be like this. Looking back I can see situations where I knew the decision I made was wrong, I knew I would not be pleased with the outcome, but I still consciously made that choice. There are other situations where I genuinely did believe I was making the right choice, and now hindsight has proven that to be incorrect.
This week has shown me a lot about people and how disheartening that has been. I have come to the conclusion that when you go above and beyond expectations it becomes an expectation. It’s expected that you’ll bend over backwards for someone, pick them up when they’re down, be that rock for them. The reality of it which I’ve slowly come to learn over the years is that the nicer you treat people, the more they take advantage of you. I know I’ve been taken for on multiple occasions, I don’t see this as a bad thing because it’s a small price to pay to see someone’s true colours.
I will not change who I am, I will always be grateful for the good hearted nature I have been blessed with and I will always share that with everyone I cross paths with. I can only be responsible for my own actions and feelings, I cannot change or influence others. At the end of the day people always have to look out for themselves and as selfish as that is, it’s realistic. All I can do is eliminate those who betray me and take advantage.
To my jaw dropping surprise I had the priveledge of communicating with an amazing and inspirational woman named Evelor Savior this past week. Not only is she a Musician and Entrepreneur, she is also a TV Host and one of my biggest role models.
When I approached Evelor to write a piece for The Basic Bish I honestly did not expect a reply, let alone the kind of response I got. She was so down to earth, gracious, and honoured I had approached her it was heart warming. To have someone like her want to be part of the movement of positivity I am trying to create was a feeling like no other.
Evelor, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your contribution to The Basic Bish. Your words come from the soul and are very moving and inspirational.
How to Truly LOVE Who You Are!
By Evelor Savior
“Greater self-love automatically generates greater love for others. When you’re not being resentful for neglecting yourself, it’s so much better for all of us and the planet. Be authentic to your needs and who you are honey; it’s super sexy.” -Evelor Savior
Sometimes we may be so focused on catering to societies’ expectations of us that we forget the fact that we are the number one person who need to show the greatest love and compassion to ourselves first. The moment we start paying attention to the way we’re truly treating ourselves and to how we think about ourselves, that’s when the shift into a greater love-filled life begins. There are three most common ways we tend to belittle ourselves:
1) Criticizing our physical body
Let’s pretend that our face, stomach, and legs have feelings of their own. How do we think they’d FEEL when we throw judgments at them such as: “You’re distorted, why are you not proportionate?, You’re fat, ugly, and definitely not toned. Why can’t you look like so-and-so’s body shape, etc…?” They would feel pretty sad and unloved, right? Plus, not feeling good about ourselves, especially for long periods of time, directly affects our health. It is in our best interest to offer kinder words and perception to our body as it is a magical vehicle that allows our Soul to experience physical life on planet Earth.
2) Criticizing our abilities
How many times do we go on Facebook, Instagram, or some form of social media to see our friends posting photos of their amazing achievements and fun life adventures and then felt bad about ourselves because we feel that our own life doesn’t look as great? We might beat ourselves up for not doing enough, for not getting rich fast enough, for not having as much resources as other people do, for (fill in the blank). The question is, what month, day, year, and time will we start being our greatest lover and fan? When will we recognize the sacredness of our personal life’s journey and how everything is unfolding for us with profound purpose? When will we consciously become the CEO of our happiness and witness with gratitude all the blessings that we have been given and are continuing to receive? That time will surely arrive as soon as we want it to.
3) Refusing to forgive ourselves
It can be so easy to forgive other people; yet when it comes to forgiving ourselves, we tend to say: “How could I? I should have known better; it’s all my fault, I deserve to be punished; I deserve to struggle and suffer before I can know true joy and happiness again…etc” Let’s do something, think of the Sun rising in the sky every morning. See it clearly in your mind. Does the Sun ever say: “Ok, Mr. Jack did something bad yesterday, therefore I will not shine over his house today. And Ms. Paula cheated on her husband, therefore no Sun rays shall shine over her house for five years?” Now, think of a new born baby who simply loves everyone regardless of anyone’s past history or “mistakes list”. Take a moment to FEEL what it feels like to be loved unconditionally -just as you are. Now, do the same for yourself day in day out.
As we review our habitual behaviors and our way of thinking about ourselves, here are some practical steps we can take this week to nourish our lives with greater self-love and compassion and therefore uplifting everyone around us in the process.
1) Write a heartfelt love letter to yourself on a fancy paper and frame it. Hang it in your home where it will be the most visible to you.
2) Have a “Why I Love Myself” get-together with your close friends. In your own way, invite everyone to hold an attitude of appreciation, nurturing, and of seeing the beauty within each person without judgments. Then, do a round-robin where each person gets to openly share why he or she loves himself or herself. Celebrate each other; have some finger foods for everyone or share a yummy potluck afterwards.
3) Appoint yourself as your TPO (Thought Police Officer) and monitor closely how you’re thinking about yourself, your body, and your abilities most of the time. Ask yourself: “Is this thought I’m having right now honoring the compassion, love and respect I deserve? If the answer is no, let the thought go and mentally say this command to your inner-Self: “Cancel. Clear. Delete. Now magnify love.”
4) Say “I Love You (Insert your name)” to yourself way more often. Take a self-love break during the day just to hug yourself and kiss your shoulders or your hands. Yes it might feel silly at first. You learning to admire yourself and vibrating more love into the Planet is more important tough.
Thank you for your commitment to helping all of us experience paradise on Earth by always being true to ourselves. Reading this article and feeling inspired is one thing; putting into practice the tips that it provides is where the magic happens. May your choices continue to add greater love, joy, and compassion to yourself and the world. We all believe in YOU!
Copyrights 2015 by Yveslaure Faure Mardy, publicly know as Evelor Savior.
Evelor Savior became aware of her intuitive ability to hear and interact with Angels, Star Beings, and Spirit Guides at the age of six years old, few years after both of parents transitioned. Overcoming a near-death experience in New York ignited her passion of using her spiritual gifts to help people easily create the joyful life, relationships, and career experiences they desire. She is also a TV Host, multi-lingual musician, Reiki Master, Certified Past-life Healer by Dr. Doreen Virtue, author of three books, and creator of the Self-Love Wizardry home training program. Discover more at http://www.EvelorSavior.com
Passion. Every person is born with this instilled in them, it’s up to us to determine where to direct that passionate energy.
I’ve often been very envious of people who have found what it is they’re passionate about in life. For years I’ve tried to be passionate about things. You name it, there was more than likely a day where I thought I found my passion whether it was basketball in grade school, snowboarding, playing guitar, learning how to DJ, or one of the other hundreds of things I was determined to commit myself to.
This week I had an interesting experience that made me rethink my views on people’s passions. I’ve determined that a person cannot go out seeking a passion or necessarily pick one, I believe passions pick their people. I say this because I tried for years to force myself to be passionate about various things but was always unsuccessful. This was due to the lack of effort I possessed to be great at something I didn’t love from the bottom of my heart. That internal drive to be the best at something just didn’t exist within me, no matter how hard I tried to force it.
I should point out that there are things I excel in that I enjoy doing. For example, I’m good at working however I don’t leap out of bed every morning cheering myself on, or spend countless hours studying how to be a better employee.
So here’s the experience that changed my views. I worked for an automotive company for close to 5 years and thoroughly enjoyed it. I started off as an appointment coordinator and became a Service Advisor shortly there after. I did very well within the company, even going as far as to compete in a worldwide competition on technical knowledge of the brand. I placed 9th overall and I am very proud of my accomplishment, afterall the automotive world is still a male dominated industry and I was a fresh faced 22 year old female. When you participate in things like that you begin to get noticed, whether you know it or not.
I’d like to tell you that I was trying to prove a point or show up the boys but that wasn’t the case at all. I decided to compete solely to expand my knowledge of the brand, which would in turn benefit my clients and the level of customer service I could provide. That is exactly what it did for me. Even though my proud moment went unnoticed and was not acknowledged at work it was the self gratification that meant the world to me.
Little did I know it didn’t go unnoticed, the right people knew and when an opportunity arose it presented itself to me because of my achievements within the company. Not only had I made the top 10, I was always very high on the charts with my survey responses from clients which made me more visible on a corporate level. To spare you from the novel I could certainly write, I’ll simplify. I received a phone call one afternoon about a job offer which subsequently lead to one more phone call and ultimately my acceptance of the position.
At 25 years old I packed my life into a u-haul trailer along with my dachshund Lily and we left the city I was born and raised in, to begin our new adventure 3 hours away. I facilitated the grand opening of a brand new dealership which was literally dirt when I arrived. I was now the Service Manager and unbeknownst to me the Shop Foreman (or woman!) I ordered all the tools, hired and trained staff, and watched my dreams come true. I also took it upon myself to enroll in Shop Foreman training as I had only ever been an apprentice prior to gaining this new title.
I was the only person who had come from the brand at this new dealership which meant a lot of people had an abundance of questions and I was the problem solver. It was hectic, crazy, exhausting and my entire life for months but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I had no idea how to be a Service Manager when I accepted the position and sadly I had no one to guide me as the company that bought the dealership had never owned one of this sort. I figured it out on my own, I used contacts from my previous years in the industry and any online resources the brand offered to absorb as much knowledge as I could retain. There were many challenges and long nights trying to educate myself to make this a success, but it paid off as my first month in action resulted in a 76% net gross profit. I was in shock, most dealerships don’t expect to be profitable the first year and I had done it the first month. I felt on top of the world. That world would soon shatter and present me with the toughest decision I’ve had to make in my career thus far.
I don’t need to go into detail but suddenly the inappropriate remarks made by people I reported to and the overall atmosphere was less than ideal. I had done what I was hired to do and other individuals apparently had ulterior motives I was unaware of. In 5 years I had gone from being the appointment coordinator to becoming the Service Manager/Shop Foreman and it would sadly end there.
I’ll never forget the day I had my first interview to be the appointment coordinator. The Service Manager asked me what my ultimate goal was in the industry, I told him I wanted his job. Little did I know back then, in less than 5 years I would make that ultimate goal come true.
I had to leave the dream I had longed and worked so vigorously for against all odds as a woman, because of someone else. That was by far the most gut wrenching feeling I had ever felt.
I don’t know if I’ll ever really be able to let it go. I still feel like I failed at the one thing I wanted the most. The emotions can be destructive and overwhelming at times, so much that I begin to doubt myself and my present capabilities. My mind often wanders into a dark sea of dissapointments. I question myself on a different platform, uncertain of the life I truly want to live. I’m curious as to whether or not the lifestyle I’m leading at this present time, is even the one I desire.
I have since of course relocated back to my hometown and attained employment with another automotive dealership/brand. The struggle still remains, this isn’t what I worked so hard for. The anxiety I feel towards the emptiness and lack of belonging that consumes my mind on a daily basis is torture. It’s as though I’m just going through the motions instead of truly living. This is what I feel purgatory would be like, life in limbo unsure of what’s to come.
A strange thing occurred last week. As I approached the doorway to my superiors office I noticed a guest, so I proceeded to immediately turn back to avoid interruption of their conversation. I was addressed and subsequently introduced to a shop foreman who ironically works in the same city I had just moved back from. As my superior introduced me he mentioned my previous employment and to my surprise the guest stood up to shake my hand and tell me he was flattered to meet me. This guest then proceeded to tell me about how I was known as “the young female service manager that opened the dealership very successfully.” At that moment, I was speechless. I had just received the greatest compliment I could have ever asked for, and yet I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as I tried to keep my composure before politely removing myself from the situation.
It was that day that I realized what my passion is and always will be. It was that brand. My heart bleeds that Castrol oil, my mind is composed of those gears, and my actions are driven by a supercharged engine. I refuse to let my journey through life be part of an assembly line.
I stepped outside to compose myself and contain the Le Mans track of thoughts racing through my mind. It all started to become clear to me, that was the confirmation that I needed. This gentleman not only acknowledged my personal success opening the dealership, but mentioned after I left it had all fallen apart resulting in the loss of his dealerships business. This was due to the disaster my beloved service department had become against the whole hearted intentions I had for it.
Words cannot truly describe the depth in which my heart sank. All my hard work, gone. Not only had my dream been shattered, but a service department that had the capability to practically print money and exceed all brand expectations had crumbled as well. As much as I wanted to be over the moon with bitter and spiteful thoughts of karma, I was the complete opposite. I was destroyed on the inside that everything I built wasn’t maintained and prosperous to the level I had set out for it to be.
Life can change at a very rapid pace, all of a sudden your mind has changed tracks unexpectedly when you hadn’t yet discovered you had boarded the train. I must have boarded a bullet train because there is only one destination I’m heading to. My ultimate goal has changed and I look forward to sharing my story as I embark on my new journey to becoming a Dealer Principle for the brand I will always stand behind.